One of the Hardest Things

I think that I should tell you all in advance...
This is not a fiber or knitting related post. It is a very serious and heartfelt post about one of the hardest things that I have had to do. I'm going to try to make it short and as sweet as possible. But I may begin to ramble. Bare with me.

As most of you already know this year has been one of the hardest that I have had to face. And for the most part I can not remember a time in my life that I have ever had such a hard time dealing with a situation. But this morning I had to do one of the most difficult things that I have ever done. Just when I though that I was finally getting a grip on things.

A little over 7 years ago my father began having problems with his kidneys and was told that he was at some point going to need dialysis. After hearing of my father's situation getting worse I moved home from Florida and settled in back in my home town. Slowly his condition worsened and he found a co-worker who had offered up a kidney for a transplant. My father was told several times that he needed to be put an dialysis and he refused. As a matter of fact he continued to work and never missed a beat.

He and his co-worker donor went through months and months of testing and classes. Only to be told one week prior to the scheduled surgery that there was a problem found with the donor and that the transplant would not be an option with this donor. We were all devastated and worried due tot the fact that Dad was still saying no dialysis. Dad was told by his doctor that if he did not do something now he only had a few months. At the time, I was several months pregnant and my mom and I used it a leverage to try to convince Dad to try to do something to stick around a little longer and see his grandson grow but he still refused. He was put on the donor list and that is where the situation was left.

My son was born and he received his Grandpa's name as his middle name. Then just two weeks later, Mom was diagnosed with cancer. It was a rare form of cancer that effects the eye called Ocular Melanoma. Four weeks later Dad received a call that they had a PERFECT MATCH.

All went well with the transplant and it took awhile for the medications to level out. And Mom underwent treatment for her cancer and it had seemed to gone away. Mom and Dad later came in contact with the father of his donor. His kidney was the result of a young girl losing her life. It was a hard pill to swallow for Dad. Knowing that a young college aged girl who had lots to offer the world had to lose her life to save his. Mom stayed in contact with the young girls father and sent regular emails.

A little over three years had passed Mom's cancer had reappeared during that time and with treatment it was gone again. This past March she was hospitalized for pneumonia and at that time she found out that her cancer had reappeared in her liver. Now anyone who knows anything about this type of cancer knows that the liver is not where you would want in to be. There is no known treatment for this cancer. And the numbers are horrifying. (I will be making another post about Mom's type of cancer later in the month. I plan on having a part of my sales donated to research for this type of cancer.) All I can remember saying to myself is "How many miracles can one person ask for?" My mother passed 3 months and 2 days later.

And that brings me to today...
My father came over and asked me if I would email the father of his donor and let him know what all had happened. Mom had last emailed him to tell him that she was ill and they were going to Houston but never gave the details of her entire situation.

How could I possibly sit here and tell Mom's story with my father over looking my shoulder as I type. I remembered the day that I had to begin making the calls to tell friends and family that Mom had passed. Many of whom knew nothing of the severity of her situation. But telling this man who I had never met was way worse than any of that. I have always been so grateful for his daughter's gift to my Dad. And one of the last things I would want to ever do is inflict more grief on him. There is a huge bond there. It's hard to describe. Somehow I managed to send out a rather short email with the details of what had happened. I even kept it together until Dad had left. But directly after there was a rather sizable emotional meltdown. It was the first for me since my Mother's passing.

As I got myself back together I saw a message in my inbox. It was from the donor's father. And within that email I found some of the most comforting words I have seen yet. It wasn't filled with worldly quotes or offers of advice. But it was a letter filled with a father's love for his daughter and the people who she had saved.

Mom had always been the one who had corresponded with him. And now I have the wonderful invitation to be the one who keeps him up to date on the family happenings. I may have lost a parent along the way but somewhere, somehow I feel like I have gained another.

I just want to say to everyone out there, thank you for being there and giving me the strength that I have needed so desperately these past few months. And if I have learned anything from all of this it would be that even with a tremendous loss we gain things that we could have never imagined.